I Love You, Goodbye

10:28PM. I have this feeling that you really care for me. That you also reciprocate what I feel. Then again, it is only MY feeling. That makes the BIG difference. I do believe that a person can move mountains because he/she loves the person so much... and that EVRYTHING is EFFORTLESS. That is what is missing.

Reading your messages makes me smile. Smile because I still remember the wonderful memories you have left me, and that's one thing I am THANKFUL for you. You made me feel like I'm the most important person in the world even just at that moment. I admit that I love you... so much... and I am sure of that... yet I have to move on...

A dear friend of mine asked on one of her blog entries, "How can somebody love and not bleed?" and my answer is it is impossible. Even an obsessed person bleeds just to have the dear one beside him/her. Otherwise, there is no love at all.

I thank you for that one moment of my life you made me feel special and I am sorry for the things I may have caused you. But one thing is for sure, you have a special place in my heart that will lovingly accept your coming back.

The heart probably has more patience than any other organ in our body. It has the patience to wait for that one person it knows worth beating for. It even has the patience to wait for something it knows may never even come. But like all things, its patience runs out. And our heart breaks because other people forget that like all things that feels pain, hurt and sadness, the heart gets tired too...

The heart sometimes speaks so much feelings to someone we thought was listening and it hurts so much to realize that the person you've spoken to never really dared to understand nor even tried to listen well.

As they say, people come and go. But the truth is, no one really disappears from your life. People never really leave, their roles just change. So as I close this chapter of my life, I thank you so much for making me feel loved even for a single moment. One thing is for sure, that moment made an impact in my life that I will always remember. The chapter that you have once been a part of. IF EVER you are reading my blog especially THIS portion, please note that I would gladly and lovingly welcome you back in my life for you will always be the person I will love and cherish... until nobody surpasses the love you have given me, you will always be the only one. Then again, I am still hoping that one day, when I open another pages in my life, there you are again... But for now, I have decided to finally close this...

It hurts to miss someone, who doesn't know how to miss you. It hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back and most of all, it hurts when you've learned to keep them when they're not even yours...

I hate forcing myself to let go of the one person that I need in my life, it's the only thing that makes sense but at the same time, it's the same thing that complicates me. I know that I am better of without you, yet I feel empty whenever I try to let go. But I guess that, emptiness is better than constant hurt, right?

So I guess I have to end this with hope that: "What's important isn't the memories, but to wish we'll see each other again..." (Queen Serenity, Black Dream Hole).

I love you sweetie... and goodbye.


*5th journal entry.