Thank You

A thank you note for everyone who in one way or another shared a part of themselves with us!
Thank you very much! You are our source of comfort and strength of whom God is above!

God Bless all of you!

Dance With My Father Again

sung by Luther Van Dross

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure, I was loved.

If I could get another chance
Another walk another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again.

When i and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me.

If I could steal one final glance,
One final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Coz I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again.

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my momma cry for him
I'd pray for her even more than me
I'd pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again.

Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream...


*for Papa
March 15, 1950 - February 20, 2009

And This Is My Prayer

Heavenly Father, fountain of grace
I pray to thee, in my father’s place
extend your arms, your loving face
be Thou his guide, ‘til end of his days

Oh Father dear, haven of refuge
be my father’s peace in time of solitude
may You be his strength when times are rude
and carry his burdens that he can’t withstood

My Lord, my God, I come to thee
save my father from Satan’s spree
let Jesus’ blood, who died for me
cleanse his soul and set him free

Oh Lord of Comfort , our sanctuary
be our refuge from this infamy
we have fallen from grace, we cry mercy
we come to Your throne in humility

In Jesus’ name, this I pray
come take my father in the calmness of day
in the tranquility of the night, or as you may
and this I claim from day to day

May Your peace be with us as he goes with You
Surely we rejoice and will not woe
for I know Your plans and You’re faithfulness too
and we know Your grace will see us through

This I pray in Jesus name
this humble petition by faith I claim
glory and honor be to Your name
as I close this prayer with a loud Amen!

Take Flight

Come into open
be blinded by the sun
leave the winter’s chill
a new day has began

spread your wings, fly
and search all wonders
soar higher to the skies
where beauty lays yonder

be bold, be brave you’re young
in your heart adventure dwells
drive with passion, defy norms
your story is yet to tell

come into the open
see the blinding light
leave the cold winter
‘tis time to take flight.

Memory of an Old Place

windows open
wall fan is churning
curtains sway
sadness beginning

piled up papers
on the table
phone is not ringing
no tapping on the keyboard
deafening silence

people are smiling
only in pictures
where they’re framed
memoirs of old

pillows in its place
chairs still arranged
dried flowers in the vase
oh, what a cold place

cobwebs of memories
dust in rime
I sit here waiting
‘til the passage of time.

Lately

It has been a roller coaster ride for me lately. I don’t know if I have been robbed of my emotions by the daily events. My best friends have there on personal matters to attend to.

Aubrey
Aubrey just gave birth to a cute little boy named James Gabriel. While writing this, she may have been out of the hospital already and enjoying God’s precious gift. I wished by the coming of baby James she would be spared of all her family obligations which makes our blood rush to our brain whenever we see each other and talk about family life. She had endured the lashes of her mom’s tongue since our college years. Just think of this, what kind of mother in the world would call her daughter “ingrata”. She is expecting so much of what her daughter can only give. Channeling her frustrations in life to her daughter. She should check her attitude. We don’t raise mother’s anyway. If she could only choose her mother, she would have done it a long time ago. Unfortunately she cannot. We cannot. So she has to makes use what her mother can give her and I hope she would be a better mother for her son. Anyway, Aubrey is a fighter as all of us is. She can make it through rough times.

Angelo
Ha! Forgive me... I know I’ve been harsh on you lately. You needed me to even just listen to you but I shove you away.
We’ll recently found a new job after losing the previous. He has been toying on the idea of finding a new job outside Iloilo. He has a lot of personal issues to manage. I just hope he can find time alone to reflect and make a major decision in life. He has strong beliefs that neither of us could bend but he learns from it anyway. We haven’t had an exchange of messages lately, which saddens me but what else can I do. This would make me take refuge to my own world shunning everything and everybody away. That maybe explains why I’ve been harsh to him. But don’t worry I’ll be the same person as I am as soon as I get out of my cocoon. What can I say, whatever is bothering your mind right now, I hope you’ll find peace and solitude with every major decisions you make. Think of it. A lot. Before making a final resolution. You have your philosophies and beliefs to guide. We can only make suggestions and comments but the choice is yours. Make the best of it.

Me
wish I could say something new. But it’s the same old feeling. Nothing much. Yesterday I’ve seen the person again. The very person that can make my blood rush through my brain and make me blush. We had a short conversation and everything went really fine. Prior to this meeting, I have already made a decision. To move on. So I struggled to control my emotions and thought of things that can occupy my attention. Gladly, I have done it. On the other hand, our house is little hospital, I have to order oxygen daily as my father consumes it 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. In addition, I have to buy his medicines and supplements. This, not counting the daily household expenses. Where do I get the money? God’s grace! God has been so faithful to us. If He could feed the birds in the air and dress the flowers in the field, how much more us? Right now, he is coughing out blood. I don’t know what will happen next. But I probably am numb...


Each of us have our own story to tell. Whatever it is, it part of the Grand Weavers plan. crafting us into a beautiful masterpiece. And I have told a part of mine...

A Letter to Laura (part one)

She was standing in the courtyard, beside the lamp post which towers like cedars in the forest. Snow falling gently and has accumulated on some parts of the yard making dots of white and gray. She was just standing there, seemingly waiting for someone. She wears a white dress that perfectly fits her, like an angel. She creates a picture of hope in the cold place where snow falls, flames of the lamp post dances as the wind blows while the shadows jump from one place to another. Her eyes brighten as she sees the glow of the headlight of a coming car as it winds up a distant curb. She definitely was expecting someone. Her face reddened as she enthusiastically waits for the car to pull over the roadside near the courtyard. The car passed and was gone as quickly as it had appeared. It did not stop. She slowly sobs then the sobbing broke into silent weeping. She made a wrong decision. And now she’s alone. Then she suddenly heard footsteps behind her, the shoes crashed the snow under it. She paused and listened as the footsteps approaches. Her heart is beating faster that she hears every throb of it. When finally got the courage, she turned back just as she was a meter away from the footsteps. She stood blankly for a while as she tries to make up the face of the person standing just a few inches away from her. Finally she smiled as she recognizes the man.

“I was so afraid because I thought you have forgotten me, Edward!” she exclaimed, hugging the man tightly.

“I could never do that to you Laura. You knew how much you mean to me, right? I’m here now, don’t be afraid.” he says as he warmly hugs Laura.

“I want you to follow me.” Edward said.
“Where?”
“Just please trust me.” He said pulling Laura’s arms. They run along the highway beneath the tall trees, snow falling while the moon slightly lighting their path. She was panting when they arrived at a place while he stares at her as if the run have not affected his circulatory system. He was not grasping for breath. He was just standing and with a serious look on his face.

“Are you okay?” he said.
“I’ll be fine in just a few minutes.” she replied still grasping for breath.
“Do you love me, Laura?”
“Of course I do! Why are you asking me that question?”
“Do you love me?” he repeated.
“Yes, I do!, What’s the matter Edward?”
“I have to show you something.” he said in monotony.
“What is it? Is there something wrong?”
“Follow me.”

They starting walking in an even pace. Edward ahead of her pulling her arms gently as he lead the way. She suddenly felt a sudden chill. Edward’s arms felt so cold like a steel.

“You’re freezing!” she said.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”

Then there was silence. They are probably in a meadow where they used to have time together. The grass was trimmed and covered with snow. Her feet was cold and wet. She was wondering and trying to picture where she is when they suddenly stopped. They were in front of a small house that looked more like a mausoleum than a barn. Inside, a light dimly glows which probably came from a single candle. The place smells like lavender and rose together which is quite strong as the damp air holds it. They were the only souls in the middle of the night and the only sound that she could hear is the beating of her heart. She clasp her hands and put them together close to her body as the gentle breeze blows. She was cold. And the look of the place makes the situation even colder. Then he asked her again:

“Do you really love me, Laura?”
“Yes, I do love you. Why? You’re making me nervous. What’s the matter, Edward?”
“Do you trust me?” he asked, not answering her questions.
“Yes, I do. I wouldn’t have come this far if I don’t trust you!”
“Okay, please do remember that I love you so much, okay?
“Okay.”

Then he grabbed her by the hand and led her into the house. He worked on the knob and the door opened noisily. Streaks of candlelight greeted her eyes as she tries to visualized the place. In front of her was a single burning candle and beside it was a folded piece of paper that has been yellowed by time. She moved forward and got the letter. One side of the letter was scribbled with ink and it says:

To Laura

Who could have left a letter for me here in this place? She inquired to herself.
The letter was still sealed when she opened it. She started reading:

Dearest Laura...





To be continued....

Still Life

so vibrant and lovely
lovely still
is your beauty
you glow
with full color and intensity
so real
yet you are
lifeless.

Forbidden Kiss

from a joke
is where it all began
then you challenged me
I have accepted
bravely

I smiled
you laughed
I was challenged
you’re only jesting
nevertheless
I played the game

I was enthusiastic
still
you’re just laughing
and the challenge?
I passed

the reward? I asked
you answered
with a laugh
I’m disappointed
even so
you just laughed

I’ve realized then
if this reward I have taken
and you have freely given
I would be in heaven
but then

I could not fathom
what it would be
after then
when I have fully known
that this kiss is
forbidden.

Enigma

you came to me
in silence
where I creep
away from destruction
feeding in my desolation

haunting me
slowly tearing my defenses
boring holes
from within me
impeding the senses

your ways are subtle
yet leaving a chasm
numbing me
robbing the jols
with every tiny holes

Why have I not seen it coming?
Have I been blinded by my yearnings?
Have I not known?

I could have stopped
but ‘tis late
I just have to wait
‘til you have fully
engulfed me

who are you?
answer me
what are you?
spare me, I am
dying.

Esther

she is a face
in an ordinary place
though small is she
big heart she carries

she is a woman
unique in her race
with extraordinary grace
daughter of Eve
an angel from my Father's league

she is a queen
of Elizabeth's lineage she may have come
though others may not understand
she is protected by the Father's hands

of beauty and grace she walks
of wisdom and authority she talks
yes, she is a face
a unique woman of her race
she carries a queen's fame
and Esther is her name.



*for my beloved friend
who has been with me
in every single race
Thank You!

Blueberry Cheesecake

She had a tiring day and I’m placid amidst the raging storm that recently and is still rummaging my life. We had a long walk from our work place coupled with talks which mostly is a debate whether to go or not. Finally, we decided to have a break which means CAKE or the other option of which I cannot declare on this page! (It’s not what your thinking it is!) And so, there we are but decided to order different cakes. She ordered a cheesecake something and I an ice cream cake. We talked, she shared about her international relations while I’m there in front of her listening attentively and butting in between talks. I did have a share of my piece of story which eventually made me feel good. It was a release! She did not reacted nor gave me an advice of which she apologize about her incapacity give one. But simply listening to my litanies of mixed emotions is comforting enough.

It was drizzling and the breeze is quite cold, you can see through the panes the lights from a distant street lamp while the glow from the vehicles’ headlights appear and disappear with the flow of the traffic. On the table are empty glasses of water and crumbs of cakes on the plate while on the wall the clock strikes quarter to seven. Its been almost an hour since we arrived and had a conversation but we felt it wasn’t enough so we decided to each have another slice of cake. We resolved to the all time favorite BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE! However, this did not started the conversation right away, instead we started taking pictures of the cake and of ourselves. It was fun! And so, there we were, munching the cake and savouring its saccharine flavor while our conversation jumped from Angelina Jolie to Michael Jordan to Seye to long pauses and comfortable silence. Then we decided to go home. She went home with her fantasies and me? Back to reality!

This is crazy. But having a break in between makes the situation more bearable. It’s like being in the eye of the storm, very calm. Then when it passes, strong winds tosses you again to where you don’t know.

February Rain

Gently as it falls, drizzling
On the roof came the tapping
Ti pi tip ti pi tip tap
“Whoosh!” blows the wind
Hustling its way to the treetop.

Trees sway while leaves are falling
Dances its way to the ground, spiraling
Sparks of light came burning
Like fallen embers, only glowing.

Lightning flashes like cracks in the sky
Thunder follows like drummers in line
Boomlay, boomlay boom!
My heart is pounding like a gong
Blood rushes in tune of a heaven’s song.

Tall grasses swaying as the wind blows
Droplets of water freely flows
Tap, tap, tap, splash!
Thunder crashes like a cymbal’s clash!
Lightning strikes like a midnight sash!

Storm came like the speed of sound
Leaves us suddenly in stillness and wet ground
Tiny rivers of heaven’s water running
Slipping, running and faster it is moving!
Faster, faster to the river where it is heading.

Up and up the sun is arching
Little by little the rain stops falling
Away and away, dark clouds are heading
Gentle breeze blows a feather, tossing.

Gently as it falls, drizzling
On the roof came the tapping
Ti pi tip ti pi tip tap
Until I hear the last drop
And the storm have come to stop.

Poem Unfinished

I wasn't able to finish writing this poem
but I'll publish it anyway since no words would come out of my empty head
as I try to close this...


In silence I found my strength
A music that soothes my senses
Stayed with me 'til the day ends
A symphony repeated 'til my loneliness ceases.

In my slumber I found peace
Escape to dreamland's momentary bliss
A jump for joy, a hearty hiss
'til I wake up in reality's kiss.

When I'm awake, I found no reason
My mind's unfocused, it blurs my vision
Which weakens me 'til I'm in oblivion
Uncertain still and with no solution.

In love I found meaning...
In pain there is healing...
That joy is worth fighting...
And life is worth living...


blurry thoughts, many words but I'm tired... I am sleepy.