Everything in Seven Hours

10:30 PM, 21 January
It’s a quarter to eight in the evening and I am having a chat with a good friend of mine. I needed a company and she is the closest person that can possibly meet me tonight. Otherwise, I will wander around the streets of Bacolod with my mind wandering into the realm of illusions trying to seek refuge and gain strength. I never wanted to share things with her (not that I don’t trust her), I just want her to be beside me or in front of me. Just like that. It eases the dire feeling away. Im glad she came over. And so we had a talk which I end up right away for I know I will not be able to finish what I will be saying since tears will fall, tearing down my defenses.

But I want to finish the story I started...
Not to tell the world about it, but to keep me posted on the ground.

Early this afternoon, I went home before office-hour ends because I have to bring my Dad to the hospital for his check-up. Everything was just fine. Really fine. My Mom and my sister already know the situation of my Dad’s illness except him. Lung cancer. Suddenly, I felt an air of difference on our way home. I smelled the tang of soil while inside the taxi and I kept on searching to find out where it came from but to no avail. When we arrived home, my father had lots of demands, he wants his oxygen tank placed this way, he wants his meds in the nebulizer, and this and that and I felt tired. On my way to buy some medicines, my Aunt (my dad’s older sister) went with me and we had a talk. Talks about where to bury his body when my dad is dead and the like/ This with the fact that they’ll (my father’s sisters) be going home (to Antique) early morning tomorrow contribute to the growing ill-feeling I have inside me that suddenly I just wanted to be in place so serene to clean my mind of all these thoughts.

I remembered everything that another friend of mine told me about cancer patients. (Her Dad died of cancer too.)
1. Take good care of him as if it will be his last hour on earth.
2. Give everything he desires as it may benefit him.
3. Love, nothing can be more valuable than this.

And I am waiting for the day/s when he would:
1. Make us all happy.
2. Know what his illness is and his last few days.
3. Make his last words

For that would signal us that he will leave us soon...

I arrived home tonight with the spirit of sadness surrounding our home while everyone tries to put a smile in their teary face...

It’s 11:15 PM now and I just finished writing this and the poem Wooden Chair. Then I would turn off the laptop, wash the tears away and go to sleep. Tomorrow is another story...