Of Love, Family And Everyday Drama

Smile. That's the best way to show to the world that you are okay. It brightens the day, inspires people and makes the world go round. Indeed, it really makes the world go round, but have we ever looked straight into the eyes of the person smiling and see what's inside? Yes, the person's soul betraying his or her outward appearance.

Everyday, it seems that I am blessed because seldom can a friend or a colleague see me not smiling. I have to live my life each day as if nothing's wrong. That I don't have problems. Not too many people would care what you are facing through in life. Everyday people having matters of their own to attend to. Why would they care? But thanks to some who, out of their busy lives, took heart, stopped and tapped my shoulder, giving me courage to go on. That life is indeed beautiful. May God bless them more!

My Dad is a great Dad. I would never ask for somebody else to replace him. Each day, I'm enduring the pain of his agony because of his illness. It seems that the medicine the doctor prescribes have no effect but kill him little by little. Everytime he complains that his back is aching or that his cough is robbing him of his time to sleep and rest makes me cry. But I shouldn't show it to them, otherwise, I would betray them of the courage they wanted to see from me. And in doing so, I'm becoming numbed. This reminds me of the story of a little boy who bought miracle as a medicine for his dying mom. Yes, that is what I exactly need. A miracle. That one day my dad would just woke up and feel renewed. No back pains, no coughs, nothing at all. I wanted to ease his pain but I can do nothing and this hurts me more. Being the head of the family is a privilege, but it is also a great responsibility. A responsibility I am willing to take but impairs me, for the things that I have done and is still doing cannot compensate to the needs my family has. Sometimes, I wish that there would be a genie that would come out of somewhere and grant my wishes. Other times, i would think and hope that I would die ahead of them. But all these are rubbish and would never help ease the present situation. The only hope that I have left is a little prayer that would touch the heart of God and grant the desires of my heart, one of it is the complete healing of my father. My family is my first priority and I am willing to sacrifice anything just so my family would be complete and happy. I do not desire much of materials things, but what is important is that we are together safe and sound.

This carousel of events in my life weakens me but I have to be strong. It crushes my spirit, but I have to resist and persevere. For them. Painful, but I have to take heart. Otherwise, I would break the very fortress that keeps this family stand and survive the test of time.

Smile. Ahh.. yes! I have to smile. Nobody should know what I really feel inside. Or else, I would break down into pieces and might not be able to defend the very foundation that this family is built.

Writing this down eases my pain away. At least even for a little.