invincible
sublime
a fiery river of emotion
extending
bridging
growing in motion of time.
he burned my heart
in the furnace of crime
sending essence of
corruption
that clouds my mind.
thus,
I cry
a battle cry song
that burned us
Both of us.
leaving smokes
of regrets
of pain.
I fall.
I lose.
alone.
Journal Entry # 45
January 23, 2010
11:45 PM
Staring blankly at the ceiling, I was brought to some place familiar. We were seated face to face enjoying the cheeseburger meal we ordered. It was one of those nights when I feel good just to have you around. You love talking while I enjoyed listening. It’s like you’re a piece of entertainment I couldn’t miss even though I’ve seen it many times.
“What???, How many times did I tell you not to look at me like that?” you would asked me when I fixed my sight on you.”Am I ugly? Something wrong?” you would continue. I just said nothing. I’m afraid my vocabulary is not wide enough to describe the beauty in front of me – not to mention your grammar-sensitive ears.
I don’t know who you are – figuratively speaking. It’s like you are enclosed in a halo or a Venus energy that every man is drawn to you. And like Venus, you trash them away – most of them – never even bothered to put to recyclable cans. The way you talk, move, sway, gesture – everything is in sequence and in tune with each other that over all it’s like an orchestra of music pleasing to the eyes and ears. Yet, you are like a baby, constantly in need of care, attention and love.
When you’re mad, you scare the hell out of everyone else. Like it would be the last day of whoever touches you. And I am afraid to feel Venus’ wrath because I am afraid to lose you. You enslave me like you enslaved every man. I’ve seen your Medusa yet I keep coming back for Venus overshadows the dark side. You have left me once and I’m afraid it would happen again. I know how it feels, its draw back on me. Your like a demigod feeding me with ambrosia I couldn’t have with any one else.
Am I spell bounded? No matter how I try to write the ugly you it turns out to be a beauty. Maybe. Walking with you in the dark of the night I do not fear. I would laugh at how I would hide from people just to have you alone. My thirst is quenched just to hear you speak and know that you are okay. Your daily rants and musings amuses me. You’re like a piece of puzzle I would love to solve everyday. Nothing but more of you and less of me.
I fear the coming days. When you will be gone, forever. Like fairies and fairyland dies when every child give up believing. I fear that I might not be able to solve puzzles again. I fear I won’t hear the elating sound of the orchestra anymore. I fear that I would never taste ambrosia again, bitter as it may seem. I fear that I would not be able to solve the mystery of you – forever. I fear. I fear.
– Mike
You made a poet out of me
Scribbled notes about you I see
I made sure that each line rhymes
To follow the beat of this heart of mine
I would lay down a great canvass
The painter I am is unleashed at last
These thousand words would burst to life
A picture with you and what I’d be like
You are the music of my lyrics
The melody of my written words
There may be silence, or maybe codas
But I will put bridges and repeat chorus
I would sculpt you in finest marbles
And parade you in clearest crystals
Because I want the world to see
How much you mean to me
I may have all there is in art
But this now I have to start
Will a song with me you’ll sing
If I strum the guitar strings?
Can you read my thoughts?
I don’t know
I’m afraid
Afraid that I might fail
To meet you somewhere I don’t know
My mind can’t conceive
I’m trying to believe
That you just love freedom
But you loved freedom
Too much
Too much, that you wanted freedom
When all I wanted was you.
Can you read my thoughts?
No.
You can’t.
Coz when I’m here waiting
You are there somewhere
Seeking
Flirting
Leaving.
My heart screams
My mind dreams
But they were never answered
And will never be.
I said: “I love you”
I never lied.
You said: “I love you”
But you never tried.
they come
they tease
they promise
they please
such a joy to the heart
that bleeds
a tempting meal to the one in need
’til I gave in to their promises
empty as it has been
like paper tigers
they offer no fear
I fall
I crawl
I drip
I weep
and the next cistern of promises
broken
empty
I keep.
